


How to Breathe

by soulofme



Series: Youth [8]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous Relationships, Cyborg Levi, Cyborgs, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Some Fluff, eren is a bit of a loner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 11:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9818624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofme/pseuds/soulofme
Summary: Step 1: Inhale. Inhale until your lungs feel like they're going to explode. Inhale until you physically can't take in any more air.Step 2: Exhale. Slowly, slowly,slowly. Exhale until you feel everything relax and melt away. Exhale until there's no air left.Step 3: Repeat. Repeat as many times as needed. Repeat until you remember that you're still human.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emilove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilove/gifts).



> Alright! This story has practically drained me of everything. I became so invested in the idea that I just couldn't let go of it. Again, this was inspired by the lovely Stella. I knew she had an interest for cyborgs, and once I remembered that I found that I couldn't abandon this fic. 
> 
> So Stella, this is for you! Thank you for continuing to be such a huge source of inspiration for me. I adore you more than anything and I hope you like the fic!
> 
> Unedited, but I'll go back to it once my eyes stop burning.

The last of the sun’s rays cast an orange shadow over everything. It might have been beautiful, once upon a time, but life had a way of making everything ugly. Life had reared its head and exposed the harsh, cold reality of the world he had been living in, and such an event was what led to this sudden awakening.

The air rushed into his lungs with the force of tidal wave. His hands curled tighter around the handlebars of his bike as he pedaled faster. The cool September air whistled a cheery song as it raced past his ears, but just like the last dying rays of the sun, he paid it no attention. The chill dug its fingers into his arm and clawed its way up his shirt sleeves. It numbed the tips of his ears and the pads of his fingertips, but the sensations all meddled together until they became both one and nothing simultaneously.

There was not a single car on the road, though this was not something that surprised him. The road was one of the less traveled ones around town. It wound up and through the woods like a snake, curving and turning and twisting around and around at an incline. At the summit, there was an outlook that allowed one to gaze down at the little town. It was where the buildings became nothing more than twinkling lights, where the cars looked to be the size of a child’s toy, and where the people moved to and fro like little ants.

He liked the spot because it was silent. There were no people, no responsibilities, just absolutely _nothing_. It was calming, serene, and probably the only thing that had maintained its beauty throughout the years.

With the outlook in sight, he slowed down until the bike skidded to a stop. His heart pounded for reasons unknown to him, and there appeared to be a suddenly weightlessness taking over him. He thought of himself as a bird, flying freely across the sky, and the thought filled him with an indescribable amount of joy.

Knocking down the kickstand, he set his bike up against the railing and walked forward. It looked the same as it always did. Abandoned and void of human life…

Except for the figure slumped back against the railing.

Eyebrows furrowing, he took in the stranger’s appearance. He was dressed in a dirt-stained sweatshirt, his jeans ripped at the knees in a way that appeared to not be a stylistic choice on his part. His head was tilted down, his black hair obscuring his face. His hands, uncovered, were what held his attention. One, pale and littered with red scratches that spoke of a fight; the other, grey, metallic, and frankly something he’d never seen before.

Gravel crunched loudly beneath his feet as he approached the stranger. The figure remained still. If he had not known any better, he would have assumed that he was dead. He shuffled to a stop, the small rocks around his feet clattering about before they stilled.

“Hey.”

There was no response. He clicked his tongue and tried again, using the toe of his sneaker to prod at one of the stranger’s legs. It twitched, as if it was alive and had a mind of its own, but its owner did not stir. His head remained hung low, unmoving, and he could feel irritation pooling in the pit of his gut.

“ _Hey_!”

“…too loud.”

“What?” he asked, crouching down so he and the stranger were level. He watched the dark head move back until he was looking into eyes the color of storm clouds drifting across the vast expanse of the sky.

“You’re too loud,” the stranger muttered, his voice rough and low. His eyes flickered about his surroundings unsurely, and it became apparent at once that he had no idea where he was.

Narrowing his eyes, he took a good look at the stranger’s face. He looked banged up, as if he had just come from a fight of sorts, and he supposed that was the case. He looked young, probably around his own age, but his face somehow appeared more mature. Rough, hardened, as if he had endured more than a person his age should. It spoke of pain, pure, unadulterated pain, and it was rather foreign to him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, ignoring the ache in his legs from being crouched down. The stranger shrugged a shoulder and gestured with the pale hand towards the sun just barely peeking over the horizon.

“Enjoying the view,” he said, and arched a thin eyebrow. “What about you?”

He chose not to answer and stood to his feet.

“What happened to you?”

“Nothing.”

Another click of the tongue. “That’s not _nothing_.”

“Says who?”

Incredibly annoyed, he faced the stranger again.

“What’s your name?”

The stranger seemed to be caught off guard. He pressed back against the railing as if he was trying to get away from him. The pale hand shook and trembled as if numerous earthquakes were wracking his body while the metal hand remained completely still, clenched tight into a fist that was more to ground him than to lash out and cause physical harm.

“Levi,” he answered gruffly. “My name’s Levi.”

“Levi, huh?” he asked. The stranger—Levi—nodded almost imperceptibly. “I’m Eren.”

He held his hand out for him to shake, but Levi hesitated. A quick glance at his hands reminded Eren why. He dropped his hand to his side and ignored the almost crestfallen look that crossed over Levi’s face.

“Can you walk?”

“Walk?” Levi repeated. He looked up at Eren with eyes narrowed into little slivers that spoke highly of mistrust.

“You’re injured and it’s getting cold,” Eren replied easily, arms folding across his chest. “Do you _want_ to stay out here?”

Levi appeared to actually be considering it. With a soft grunt and a slight wince, he rose up to his feet.  Eren watched him intently, waiting for the slightest hint of a wobble, but Levi walked perfectly fine. Slowly, but fine. They’d make it back down in one piece.

“C’mon,” Eren said, jerking his head towards the direction he had come from. “I live down that way.”

“Down that way,” Levi repeated, and Eren had half a mind to ask him if he just went about echoing what others said like some kind of human parrot. “Right. Okay.”

Retrieving his bike, Eren began to lead the way. Levi hung back, the only indication that he was still following Eren being the slow shuffle of his feet. Eren glanced up at the sky and hoped that the sun wouldn’t completely set before they got down. He knew how to navigate the road in the dark, but he doubted Levi did. Not many people lived this far from town, and Eren doubted Levi even knew where he was.

They walked in silence until Eren caught sight of the little place he called home. Rolling the bike up to the stand he had constructed out of a few planks of wood, he glanced over his shoulder to ensure that Levi was still following him. He was, though he looked incredibly exhausted. Eren listened to the unsteady huffs of air that escaped his lungs.

They climbed the few steps that led to the poor excuse of a porch. Eren yanked the door open and didn’t bother to hold it open for his guest. Levi collapsed down onto the worn couch without waiting for an invitation. His hands lay limp in his lap, and his eyes turned lazily towards the ceiling.

Eren stepped into the tiny kitchen and began to heat a kettle filled with water. He didn’t have the money for luxuries such as tea, so he hoped Levi would settle for hot water. Once the kettle let out an ear-splitting whistle, he uncapped it and poured the steaming liquid into a mug. He set it onto the coffee table with a _clang_ and went back into the bathroom to get his first-aid kit.

Levi’s eyes snapped open once he felt the weight of Eren’s body push down against the cushion. He was quiet as Eren ran a cloth soaked in peroxide over his wounds, only hissing occasionally, and seemed relieved when Eren pulled back from him.

“You sure that’s just nothing?” Eren muttered, not wanting to shatter the comfortable silence that had settled over the house.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Well what do you think, Doc?”

Eren’s lips quirked at the corners. It was not quite a smile, but it was the closest he had gotten to one in a while.

“I think that you got your ass handed to you.”

Levi hummed softly.

“You’re not wrong,” he said.

Silence pressed against them once more. It was like a comforting blanket that wrapped loosely around their shoulders, present but not constricting, and Eren released a soft breath.

“You can sleep on the couch if you want,” he said, standing to put the bloodied cloth and other supplies away. “It’s too dark to go now but first thing in the morning I can take you into town. I want to get you checked out and make sure this is all really just nothing.”

Levi sank back against the couch cushions. “Why are you helping me?”

Eren paused, halfway to the bathroom, and turned slowly to regard his guest. Levi looked at him much like an expectant child, his eyebrows raised a fraction once more and his posture more relaxed than it initially had been.

“Everyone’s entitled to being a Good Samaritan. I guess now’s my time.”

Levi appeared to be content with the answer he received, for he looked away and seemed to ignore Eren completely. Chewing lightly at the inside of his cheek, Eren stepped back into the bathroom. The harsh yellow light seemed to almost burn his eyes as he focused on returning everything to its rightful place.

When he slipped back to the living room, Levi was still staring off blankly at the wall. Eren lingered awkwardly in the small hallway, torn between engaging in a conversation or simply just turning away with the excuse of wanting to go to bed.

“…Aren’t you gonna ask?” Levi asked. There was a different quality to his voice, something soft and almost gentle, and Eren wondered if he had just imagined it all together.

“Ask about what?” Eren replied, though he had a faint idea.

Levi lifted his hand, the metallic one that had instantly caught Eren’s eye, into the air. “You know, about the arm?”

“Should I?”

“Most people do.”

“Most people,” Eren muttered, and he wondered if Levi’s habit of parroting had somehow gotten imprinted onto him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Levi shrugged and didn’t elaborate. Eren scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Fine. What’s with the arm?”

Levi smirked slightly. “Can’t tell. It’s kind of a secret.”

Eren rolled his eyes.

“Right.”

Levi’s smirk gradually slipped away.

“You’re annoyed.”

“I’m not,” Eren said, but there was a distinct edge to his voice that caused Levi to raise his eyebrows yet again.

Levi watched him quietly for a moment or so.

“Thanks. For helping me, I mean.”

Eren’s arms uncrossed almost instantly. He and Levi looked at each other, neither making a move nor saying a word, before Eren cleared his throat softly.

“You’re welcome.”

Levi nodded to himself. “So how old are you?”

Eren huffed out a laugh. “Jesus Christ. What is this, twenty questions?”

Levi shrugged.

“Shouldn’t I know more about the Good Samaritan who took me in?”

“I don’t know,” Eren said, raising an eyebrow. “Should you? What if I’m not a Good Samaritan at all?”

“Nah,” Levi said decisively. “You are. I’ve seen some fucked up shit. You’re about as good as a person can get.”

Eren swallowed hard, unsure of how to respond. A quick glance at Levi confirmed that he too was taken aback by the statement. The same silence from before returned with a vengeance, though its presence spoke more of an unshakeable awkwardness than a gentle comfort.

“I’m eighteen,” he said. Levi hummed softly.

“Eighteen, huh?” he said. “That’s a good age.”

“What about you?” Eren asked.

“Eighteen. Nineteen by the end of the year,” he said. He looked up at Eren. “You live here alone?”

Eren stiffened at the question. Levi seemed to be aware of this, if the way he suddenly sat up was any indication.

“I’m going to sleep,” Eren announced suddenly, hands curling into fists. His fingernails threatened to break through the skin of his palms, but the sharp bite of pain felt almost as if it was the only thing holding him together.

Levi didn’t respond and Eren didn’t wait for him to. The door to his bedroom slammed shut, probably with more force than was necessary, but he paid it no attention as he pressed back against it and let gravity send his body sliding down towards the ground.

He held his head back and stared up at the ceiling. His throat felt tight, his body itchy, as if a thousand spidery fingers were trailing up and down the expanse of his body. He wasn’t sure why this was, but he hoped the feeling would go away soon.

He hoped _Levi_ would go away soon.

—

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he awoke to the sound of screaming. Jerking upright, he yanked hard on the doorknob and raced out into the living room. He didn’t know what he expected to see, but it certainly wasn’t the sight of Levi writhing on the couch.

His body was taut as it thrashed back and forth, his heels digging hard into the cushions and his hands clenched tightly into fists. The metallic one spun and clinked together before it glowed an almost iridescent blue. His jaw ground tight, only opening as loud, blood-curdling screams left his lips.

Eren was by his side before he could register that he was. He shook violently at Levi’s shoulders, urging him to wake up, but nothing seemed to be working. His eyes raked across his face, taking in the harsh lines that appeared as he screeched.

Suddenly, his body fell limp against the couch. The blue glow emanating from the arm faded off into nothing; the whirring and grinding almost instantaneously ground to a halt. Levi’s expression gradually evened out until it relaxed completely.

Suddenly breathless, Eren sank down against the coffee table. A dull pain emanated from where the hard surface pressed into his back, but he ignored it in favor of looking at Levi’s still face. His guest seemed to have calmed down considerably. In fact, he appeared to be in deep sleep.

In the light of the moon, Eren was finally able to get a good look at his face. His injuries were shallow at best, nothing more than little nicks here and there. There didn’t seem to be any kind of serious injury afflicted to him, but then again Eren was still unclear about the circumstances surrounding Levi’s injuries.

He ran a hand raggedly through his thick hair and furrowed his eyebrows. Levi’s shallow breathing reminded him of how exhausted he was, but Eren found that he could not move from his spot. He wasn’t sure why, but it was as if he was rooted to the floor.

Letting his eyes slip close, Eren let the coffee table take the brunt of his weight. When he next awoke, it was to nothing more than silence. His eyes fluttered before opening fully, and sunlight streamed in from the window he had left open the night before.

The couch was unoccupied. Shooting upright, Eren glanced around. There was no sign of Levi, and panic suddenly coursed through his veins. Swallowing roughly, Eren got to his feet and quickly walked towards the front door.

Levi was hunched over the porch railing, his arms folded beneath him. In the early light of the sun, his injuries seemed more daunting than they had the day before. The roughness seemed more apparent, almost unavoidable, and Eren felt himself almost hesitant to remain in his presence.

Levi turned his head towards him.

“So when are we heading out?” he asked.

“What?” Eren asked intelligibly. Levi raised a brow.

“You know, to town?”

“Oh,” Eren replied, the events of the previous day suddenly coming back full force. “Um, hold on.”

He walked back into the house and grabbed the phone. He had scarcely used it, considering how he had no one to call, but there were a few important numbers he had etched into the doorframe of the kitchen should he need something. He scanned the list quickly before he found the one he was looking for. Punching it in, he waiting impatiently as the line rung.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Eren said, pressing the receiver close against his ear. “Think you can bring your truck out?”

There was no reply before the line was cut off. Sighing softly, Eren set the receiver back onto its hook and stepped back outside. Levi was still standing in the spot where he had left him, though his head was turned towards Eren.

“I called someone,” he explained. “He’ll be able to give us a lift.”

Levi’s eyes cut over to Eren’s empty driveway. The dirt path was overgrown with weeds, unkempt and clearly unused. It was void of a car, considering how Eren lacked one, but Levi didn’t comment on it.

They waited in silence for roughly ten minutes before Eren finally noticed the mint green truck ambling up the street. It appeared to be on its last leg, especially considering how most of its body was rusted over, but its owner took an absurd amount of pride in it.

“This better be good, Jaeger,” the owner said as he pulled into the empty driveway. “I worked my ass off all night and you come in at the asscrack of dawn and think you can just…” He trailed off as his eyes landed on Levi. “Oh.”

“We need a ride into town,” Eren said. He rubbed the back of his neck and gestured vaguely towards his guest. “This is Levi. Levi, this is Jean.”

Jean narrowed his eyes a fraction before he grinned wide enough to show off the dimples that girls just about went crazy over. He sauntered over and stuck his hand out.

“Nice to meet ya.”

Levi raised an eyebrow and slowly shifted so that he could slide his metallic hand into his pocket. He shook Jean’s hand with his flesh one and didn’t reply.

“Oh,” Jean said, blinking a few times. “What the hell happened to you?”

“Nothing,” Eren said before Levi could. “Look, can we just get going?”

“Alright, alright,” Jean replied, holding his hands up defensively. “It’ll be a tight squeeze in there, unless you wanna sit in the back.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Levi said, flashing a quick smile that was gone just as soon as it had come. “Let’s go.”

They clambered into the truck, Eren sandwiched between Levi and Jean. Jean fiddled with the radio knob before he groaned loudly, head knocking back against the headrest of his set.

“Jesus, Jaeger,” he grumbled. “Why the hell did you have to move to the middle of nowhere?”

“It’s not the middle of nowhere,” Eren replied almost automatically.

This was a common argument between them. Jean often said that he should buy his own damn car so he wouldn’t have to tow him around like some kind of underpaid chauffer, but the truth was that Eren’s job at the diner didn’t allow for such luxuries.

“Right,” Jean said, snorting loudly and putting the truck into gear. “Levi, is it?”

“Yeah,” Levi answered dully, causing Eren to smirk.

“How’d you meet this loser anyway?” he asked. “Eren hasn’t made any friends since at least the third grade.”

“I was passing through the area,” Levi replied vaguely, and Eren found himself furrowing his eyebrows. He almost called out that it was a lie, but the truth was that he still had no idea why exactly Levi _had_ been in the area. “He saw me and decided to help me.”

“Well I’ll be damned,” Jean said, whistling lowly. “Eren’s never helped nobody but himself. He must be in a good mood.”

“Fuck off,” Eren muttered while Jean cackled.

The rest of the ride passed in silence. Jean dropped them off in front of the clinic and warned them that they’d have to hurry it up if they wanted a ride back.

“I got work,” Jean said, narrowing his eyes when Eren rolled his. “Boss said he’ll cut me if I’m late.”

“I don’t know why you bother,” Eren said with a huff. “You wouldn’t know hard work if it slapped you upside the head. The hell is he keeping you around for?”

Jean shook his head and held up a finger. “One hour. That’s all you got.”

Eren slammed the door shut extra hard after he had clambered out of the car. Levi stood still on the sidewalk, his metallic hand still pushed deep into his pocket.

“C’mon,” Eren said. “You heard him.”

Levi shuffled after him into the clinic. It was empty, thankfully, so Eren walked up to the desk. The woman behind it widened her eyes as she took in his appearance.

“Eren?” she asked, standing up.

Eren smiled weakly and silently begged that she wouldn’t make a scene. Her eyes scanned over his body multiple times, her perfectly manicured eyebrows furrowing when she was unable to see any visible sign of harm on his body.

“What happened?” she asked, and Eren shook his head before jerking his thumb over his shoulder.

“It’s not me, Petra,” he said, and stepped back so that she could look at Levi.

“Oh,” she said, circling the desk and walking towards him. “Well, let’s get you checked up.”

She led him back to one of the rooms. Levi walked behind her silently, his head bowed down to the ground, and Eren sighed and dropped himself down into one of the chairs in the waiting room.

He wasn’t sure how long it took for Petra to check him out, but when Levi left he looked visibly disturbed. Before he could ask how it went, Petra was grabbing his arm and dragging him back to one of the empty examination rooms.

“Good news or bad?”

“Good, I guess?”

“Nothing’s broken,” Petra said. She crossed her arms over her chest. “The bad news? Poor thing’s got scars all over his body—”

“W-What?” Eren stammered. Petra shook her head.

“Whatever he went through, it wasn’t a one-time deal,” she said. Her eyes softened as she took in the panicked look on Eren’s face. “Hun…what happened to him?”

“I don’t know,” Eren replied honestly. “I just found him outside yesterday. He didn’t seem to be from around here so I took him in.”

Petra nodded and tapped her fingers against the table.

“Something’s not right,” she said. “His arm—”

“I’ve seen it,” Eren replied, unintentionally cutting her off, and Petra stopped herself and leaned back against the table.

“How much do you know about him, Eren?” she asked.

“Not much,” he admitted, and forced himself to ignore the exasperated sigh she gave. “He needed help and I took him in. That’s all.”

“And now what are you going to do?” Petra asked. “Send him on his merry way and forget he ever existed?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“The boy needs someone,” Petra said. “Something horrific happened to him and he’s obviously trying to get away from it.”

Eren crossed his arms over his chest.

“I realize that. I have sympathy for him and his situation. But I’m not a damn _babysitter_ , Petra. I wanted to help him and I did. My job’s done.”

Petra stared at him silently before she reached out and grabbed onto his arm.

“I know what happened hurt you, Eren,” she whispered. “I know you’re still trying to heal. But are you really going to turn away someone in need because you don’t want to get close to someone again?”

Eren swallowed hard and tried to digest Petra’s words. She looked at him expectantly, her eyebrows slightly raised and lips pulled down into a slight frown that looked rather out of place on her otherwise cheerful face.

“Don’t go there,” he whispered, his shoulders sinking as if a massive weight had been pressed down onto them. Petra glanced at him sadly.

“I’m sorry,” she said simply, and released his arm. “I won’t charge you for the visit, by the way.”

Eren’s eyebrows drew together, but he didn’t fight her on it. He felt exhausted, suddenly, and he was sure that Petra wouldn’t take no for an answer anyway.

“Thanks,” he muttered, and pushed past her to go back out to the waiting room.

Levi looked up at him silently. Eren forced a smile onto his face.

“Are you hungry?”

—

“So…you work here?”

Eren nodded and began trying the simple black apron around his waist. Levi hunched over on the stool and glanced around the diner. It smelled strongly of grease, probably because nearly everything was fried, but people appeared to like it. Eren supposed it had more to do with the fact that it had been around so long and less to do with the rather subpar food.

Eren fixed Levi a simple hamburger and fries and slid it across to him. Levi eyed the food before glancing up at Eren.

“It’s okay,” he said, grinning. “Boss’ll just cut it out of my paycheck. Don’t worry.”

Levi frowned but took a tentative bite. Before long, he was eating avidly. He had apparently not realized how hungry he was, considering how he seemed to devour his meal like a starved animal.

Once he was sure Levi wouldn’t choke on a fry, Eren began to serve the few patrons crowded at one of the larger booths. He immersed himself fully with work, only remembering Levi’s presence when he passed by him.

By the end of his shift, the sky outside was dark. Eren tried to use the diner’s phone to call Jean, but he didn’t pick up. Stifling an irritated sigh, he faced Levi.

“We can take a cab for most of the way, but they won’t go up the mountain,” he said. “You good to walk?”

Levi shrugged and didn’t reply. Eren nodded to himself.

“Right. Well, let’s go then.”

They hailed a cab. Eren nearly winced when he handed over some of his tips to pay the fare, but there wasn’t much he could do. If he had been by himself, he would have taken his bike. But he knew Levi was hurt, and he didn’t exactly feel he should force him to walk the _entire_ way back.

It was only when they reached Eren’s tiny home that Levi said something.

“What’d she say to you?”

“Who?” Eren asked, kicking his shoes off by the door. He didn’t comment when he noticed Levi left his own on.

“That nurse, back at the clinic,” Levi murmured. “What’d she say to you?”

“Nothing,” Eren said.

“Nothing,” Levi echoed, but there was a certain edge to his tone. “ _Nothing_.”

“Should she have said something?” Eren asked, but Levi didn’t answer.

He looked at Levi’s face for a few seconds, trying to decipher the unreadable expression that clouded his features, but before he could the phone rang shrilly. Eren furrowed his eyebrows and stepped towards the kitchen.

“Hello?”

“Eren? It’s Petra. I’m just checking in with you.”

“Oh, hi.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Eren replied.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Petra said sincerely. “I don’t know why I said it. I know things have been extremely difficult for you. I should have been more sensitive.”

“It’s fine. You were right,” Eren said. “Thank you.”

“Right,” Petra murmured. She sounded exhausted. “Well, I should get going. I'm glad to hear you're okay. Goodnight, Eren.”

“Night,” he said, and softly put the receiver back onto the hook.

He walked back out to the living room, but Levi had disappeared again. Eren pushed open the front door, but Levi was not in the same spot he had been in this morning. In fact, he was gone completely.

Panic gripped at Eren’s throat, its claws digging in deep and puncturing his flesh in horrific, unimaginable ways. He stumbled backwards into the house, the room spinning together as colors danced vibrantly before his eyes. Images of glass and scarlet red blood flooded his mind, and it took all he had to push them away.

He staggered over to the kitchen and turned the faucet on. Cupping his hands and filling the space with water, he splashed at his face until the collar of his shirt was soaked and water ran down his face in thick rivulets that resembled a stream of some sorts.

A heavy weight settled onto his chest, dark and imposing, and he pressed his eyes shut until they ached dully. He sank to his knees and rested his forehead against the cabinet, listening as the faucet dripped water until it stopped altogether.

Something cold pressed against his cheek and brushed aside the water. He lifted his head and met Levi’s eyes, his chest and throat still constricted tightly.

“Where’d you go?” he managed to croak out. Levi let his hand drop back to his side.

“Outside,” he muttered. He took in Eren’s terrified expression and swallowed thickly. “What’s wrong?”

“I…” Eren trailed off, unable to finish, and Levi sat back onto his heels. “She told me about the scars on your back.”

“What?” Levi asked, confusion clouding his face, and Eren lifted his head slowly.

“The scars. The nurse at the clinic told me about your scars.”

Levi’s expression hardened.

“They’re—”

“Nothing?” Eren offered, and Levi’s mouth snapped shut.

Levi’s metallic hand scraped against the floor as he pushed himself up. Eren shook his head and stood up as well, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You probably want a shower, right?” he muttered. He stepped around Levi to head to his bedroom. “You can borrow my clothes. Bathroom’s right here. I can’t guarantee the water will be warm, but it’s something.”

Levi stood silently in the doorway.

“…Levi?”

“My arm got injured,” he said. He spoke quietly and robotically, as if he were reading the words off of a page. “I was…I was trying to protect someone. My arm got all fucked up and someone said they could fix it. This is what I got. A piece of fucking metal stuck to me.”

Levi’s words became tinged with venom the longer he talked. Eren swallowed hard, the acidic tone instantly setting him on edge, but Levi didn’t seem to be aware of the effect of his words.

“There,” he said, laughing bitterly. “Now you know.”

He stepped into the bathroom without another word. Eren stood still, stunned, before he grabbed some clean clothes and set them inside on the counter. He and Levi didn’t look at each other.

“I’m sorry,” Eren muttered, but Levi didn’t reply.

—

“My family’s dead.”

Levi’s fork scraped loudly against his plate. They were eating dinner, pressed together on the too-small couch because Eren couldn’t afford a proper table and chairs.

“They died earlier this year. That’s why I’m here alone.”

Levi looked down at the omelet before him. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t kill them,” Eren said, continuing to eat in a poor attempt to distract himself from the uncomfortable feeling coursing through his veins.

“You didn’t have to tell me.”

“You didn’t have to tell me about your arm.”

“My arm…” Levi mumbled to himself. He shut his eyes and leaned back against the couch.

Eren looked at him, chewing idly. He had no idea what to say. The words seemed to dance on the tip of his tongue, but he had no intent of actually saying them. Levi kept his head pressed back against the couch and didn’t move.

Eren silently cleared away their plates. When Levi still hadn’t moved from his position, he clicked his tongue softly and retreated back into his room. And when Levi’s screams sounded out in the middle of the night, Eren pushed his head under his pillow and squeezed his eyes shut as tight as they would go.

—

Days turned into weeks, and before he knew it October announced its presence with a light dusting of snow over everything. The air went from pleasantly chilly to icy cold, and Eren wondered how such a rapid change could occur.

He looked back at the worn couch in the living room. It was now adorned with a few thin blankets and a pillow, all of which he had gotten from the thrift store with the last few bits of his paycheck. The rest had gone towards the bills.

Swallowing roughly, he sank back against the counter. He didn’t know how Levi had somehow wormed his way into his life, but it was if he was somehow buried himself deep inside him. They had somehow worked up from strangers to acquaintances of sorts, a progression that Eren took to be both bad and good.

It was nearly midnight, but Levi showed no sign of going to sleep. He was slouched down into the couch, which had more or less become his bed, and was staring off blankly at something at the wall. His mechanical arm glowed bright blue before the light tapered off.

Hesitantly, Eren approached him. Levi didn’t stir when Eren pressed next to him on the couch.

“I…I’ve, uh, heard you.”

“Heard me?”

“You scream during your sleep,” Eren replied. He chewed at the inside of his cheek. “It…it sounds bad.”

“Sometimes I get nightmares,” Levi said quietly. “They’re kind of bad, I guess.”

“I do, too,” Eren said. “More flashbacks than anything else, but they’re there.”

“Huh,” Levi whispered.

Eren grit his teeth together and stared hard at a spot on the ground.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Levi’s lips quirked up into a smirk. “Wasn’t that a question?”

Eren frowned and tugged at a loose string on his shirt. Levi’s smirk gradually faded until he looked down at the ground too, his eyes having that vacant look they often got, and Eren pretended that there wasn’t a swarm of butterflies threatening to burst through the constraints of his body.

“Why were you out there that day?” he asked.

“Oh,” Levi muttered, exhaling softly, and he shook his head. “I did something I shouldn’t have. And rather than accepting my fate, I ran.”

“Why?”

“Because I was scared,” Levi answered without a moment of hesitation.

“What’d you do?”

“You don’t want me to answer that, Eren.”

“Why not?” Eren asked. “I’m letting you stay with me. I deserve to know.”

Levi barked out a harsh laugh, a bitter smile gracing his features. “Is that what you told yourself?”

Eren clenched his hands into fists.

“Levi.”

“…I killed someone,” Levi said, leaning towards Eren. He lifted up his mechanical hand and wrapped it around Eren’s throat. Eren swallowed hard and looked into Levi’s eyes, ignoring the feel of the cool metal circling his throat. “I put my hand on him, just like this, and I _squeezed_.”

He flexed his fingers and tightened his grip around Eren’s throat. Eren remained calm even as his heart beat loudly in his ears. He wondered if Levi could hear it, if he could hear the sound that reminded him of a drum beating throughout the silence of the room, but Levi didn’t say anything. He leaned away from Eren and sat back, his metallic hand resting idly by his side.

“Don’t ever do that again,” Eren whispered.

Levi glanced over at him almost lazily.

“Okay.”

—

Levi began disappearing. He would be gone when Eren awoke and still be gone when he returned from his shift at the diner. He would always return, though. Eren would hear him walking through the door and making a great big ruckus as he tried to navigate through the house in the dark.

On the third night it happened, Eren rose out of bed and shuffled out into the living room. He could faintly make out Levi’s figure sitting up against the coffee table. Before he could fully process what he was doing, he settled down next to him.

“Do you think I’m human?” Levi whispered.

Eren looked over at him quickly, though it proved to be useless considering how he could hardly make out his face.

“What?”

“Human,” Levi repeated hollowly. “Do you think I’m human?”

“Of course you are,” Eren answered.

He heard Levi swallow roughly before something cool brushed against the inside of his wrist. The cool feeling danced up his bare arm until it reached the sleeve of his tee-shirt. Taking in a few shuddery breaths, Eren looked down. The soft blue light that met his eyes filled him with a feeling that he couldn’t quite place.

“What happened?” Eren asked.

“My mom was getting harassed by this guy,” Levi said without hesitation. The mechanical arm glowed more brilliantly, the color less calming and almost harsh in a way, and Eren was unable to look away. “I thought I could protect her, so I tried to help. The guy broke my arm and we didn’t have money to go to a hospital. Mom tried her best to set it, but it ended up all crooked. I couldn’t do anything.”

He paused and didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“My uncle said he could help. My mom sent me off to live with him for a while. He said he wanted to try something. I was naïve. I thought nothing bad could happen. He started…experimenting. He’d been trying to help people by making bionic limbs. But the government wouldn’t fund him. Said something about it being a castle in the sky.”

“What’d he do?” Eren asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“He kept trying anyway. He’d drug me so that he could run all of his experiments. If I fought, he’d hit me on the back with a hot metal rod. That’s how I got the scars. I got sick of it. I didn’t care about my damn arm anymore, but it was too late. He already put it on me. When my body didn’t reject it, he called the experiment a success. He wanted to show off his little experiment but…”

“He forgot that you were human,” Eren finished softly.

“Yeah,” Levi murmured. “I told him I was done. He got real pissed. Told me I wasn’t grateful. I tried to run, but he beat the shit out of me. Then something just…snapped. Before I knew it, my hand was around his throat and he was dead on the ground. I took off right after. Then you found me.”

“Levi,” Eren whispered, scrambling for his hand in the dark. The cold metal was a shock to his skin, and he pushed himself up onto his knees. “Levi, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Levi said slowly. “I dream about it a lot. That’s what the nightmares are. A constant loop of that day.”

Eren swallowed hard.

“My family died in a fire,” he said softly. “I was out at a friend’s house when it happened. My dad…he had some stuff going on. He was overwhelmed with work. So one day he just set the whole house on fire. My mom and sister were inside. I don’t think he really meant for them to die, but…”

He trailed off, his voice cracking, and before he knew it Levi’s hand was pressed up against his face. The heat from his skin seemed to almost instantly be absorbed by Eren’s.

“I didn’t want to be around people anymore,” Eren continued. “I trusted my dad and he killed my family. I didn’t want to have someone hurt me like that again.”

"Not everyone’s like your dad.”

“Not everyone’s like your uncle.”

Levi’s hand fell away from his face.

“Eren…”

“I’m sorry I was such an ass to you earlier,” Eren mumbled. “I was just—”

“Scared?”

“Scared,” Eren agreed.

“It’s okay to be scared,” Levi whispered, his voice soft and almost comforting, and Eren’s eyes slipped shut as he nodded.

“I know.”

—

“Hey.”

Levi looked up, hands wrapped tight around the thin blankets in his hands, and raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to sleep on the bed?” Eren asked. “It’s not much better than the couch, but it’s something.”

“Are you sure?” Levi asked doubtfully. Eren nodded.

“Positive. I don’t mind.”

Levi nodded and grabbed his sheets and pillow. They squeezed together on Eren’s tiny mattress, shoulders pressed together, and stared up at the ceiling. Levi chuckled quietly, a soft sound that lacked any of the usual bitterness his other laughs had, and Eren turned his head fractionally toward the direction of the his voice.

“What?”

“Glow in the dark stars,” Levi muttered. “I haven’t seen those in years.”

“I wanted to disappear,” Eren whispered back. “I wanted to disappear into the stars and never look back.”

“I wanted things to go back to how they were. I wanted to pretend none of it ever happened.”

“It won’t go away if you don’t face it.”

“I know that,” Levi said. “I just…I don't know. I don’t see the point now. I can’t change the past. It is what it is, right?”

Eren turned onto his side and raised himself up onto one elbow.

“You’re not a monster or whatever it is you think you are. You’re human, Levi.”

“Ha," Levi chuckled, the sound barely audible.

“This makes you human,” Eren whispered. He touched Levi's flesh hand. Levi’s fingers twitched, and Eren’s hand slid over to the cool, metallic one. He clasped it tight, ignoring how the metal pinched and bit at his skin, and caught Levi’s eyes through a stream of moonlight. "And this? Well, it makes you human too."

Levi’s fingers jolted before tightening around his.

“Human,” he echoed, softly and in awe, and Eren smiled and continued to hold on until he feared his fingers would get numb. “Eren?”

“What is it?”

“Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe,” Levi said. “Sometimes the past catches up to me and I’m so deep into it that it’s all I can see.”

“Sometimes that happens to me too,” Eren said, shifting into a more comfortable position.

“I forget how to breathe,” Levi replied, sounding almost vulnerable, and Eren found himself having to physically strain to hear the words.

“You just have to," Eren murmured. "I know it's hard, but remind yourself that you're not a monster. You're human, and humans need to breathe.”

“If I wasn’t so touched, I’d say that was kind of douchey,” Levi remarked, causing Eren to bark out a laugh.

“I wasn’t trying to be douchey. Just helpful.”

“I know,” Levi replied.

“Good,” Eren said. It occurred to him that his hand was still nestled in Levi’s, but he made no move to put his hand back by his side. Levi’s palm was solid and firm against his, a reminder that he was real and right _there_ , and Eren felt that it was the only thing keeping him together at the current moment.

“Eren?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For everything, I mean.”

“Of course,” Eren muttered.

“Goodnight, Eren.”

“Goodnight.”

Eren smiled into the darkness, curling his fingers around Levi’s own.

—

When Eren awoke, it was because the sun was shining straight into his eyes. Stifling a groan, he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Throwing the blanket off, he headed towards the kitchen.

Levi was standing before the stove, spatula in hand. Eren leaned against the doorframe and watched him for a while before he decided to speak up.

“Need any help?”

“Help? Nah, I’m good,” Levi replied without even turning around. “Here.”

He handed Eren a plate full of bacon, eggs, and pancakes. Eren furrowed his eyebrows.

“How did you…?”

“I got a job,” Levi said. “Well, sort of. There’s a guy down the street with a wood-burning stove. I just happened to be out when he asked me to help chop wood.”

“Ah,” Eren said, nodding. “I didn’t even know anyone else lived around here.”

Levi shrugged and grabbed his plate. He and Eren settled next to each other on the couch and began eating.

“Levi.”

“Hm?”

“We’re gonna be okay,” Eren said, looking at him, and Levi paused with his fork halfway to his mouth.

“Okay,” he muttered, half to himself, and then he smiled slightly and began eating again. “Yeah, we’re gonna be okay.”

Grinning, Eren turned back to his own food.

It was then, pressed against Levi’s body with nowhere to go, plates balanced precariously on their knees, that everything seemed beautiful once more. It was as if the former ugliness Eren had become accustomed to had faded before diminishing entirely, receding back into a recess of his mind that he had no reason to go into anymore.

He no longer had to think of himself as the bird. Slowly but surely, Eren was _becoming_ the bird.

And maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have to fly across that endless sky alone.


End file.
